Okay, look, we’re gonna be vulnerable and just come right and say it: we feel left out. So much shit has happened at Chapman recently, and it feels like we haven’t been a part of it.
Like, last week, when Chapman Republicans posted their manifesto about how The Panther is “fake news” but didn’t acknowledge that we are literally fake news. Fucking rude. Do we not make fun of you enough? Is that it? Okay… harsh note, but we’ll take that into consideration for future issues. You do make a good point at the end though, the school should cut funding to The Panther, so they could give it to us instead! Right now, our yearly stipend is one instagram post from Jerry Price when we leave an issue outside his office. We’d appreciate a few extra dollars, so that our writers can stop having the highest membership dues on campus (orange paper ain’t cheap)
Also, did you guys hear about all this Lisa Sparks shit? Basically, the Dean of the Communications school, and candidate for congress in CA-45, called an alumna a little bitch for complaining about Sarah Huckabee Sanders speaking at a Chapman-sponsored event. How come no one ever call us a little bitch? Mrs. Sparks, we had a half-naked drawing of your husband in the last issue, and that didn’t bother you? Also, to the person who complained: your main problem with Sarah Hucky Sands (new nickname we’re workshopping) is that she doesn’t care about the truth… hello? Neither do we! Throw us a fucking bone here. All we’re trying to say is, we’ve been feeling super lonely and would appreciate it if next time there was a scandal, you referenced us at least once.
Xoxo,
Your silly lil editors in chief