Friendsgiving’s Dark Past Uncovered

Friendsgiving is HERE! Load up that plate with mash, stuffing, and… troubled origins? What?

While many praise Friendsgiving for its lack of historical baggage, our research has revealed the happy-go-lucky kickback to be something far more sinister.

Grant Woodsworth, college student and self-described “friends advocate,” shared his story from last year’s Friendsgiving:

“My two best friends broke up, and I was hoping this get-together would seal that divide. We’re all buddies after all, so it shouldn’t have been uncomfortable in the slightest!

In an attempt to relive old times, Grant uncovered troubling truths. This breakup was no big deal because all his friends had lowkey all been dating each other. In fact, they still are; everyone in this group’s in a polycule except Grant. What the hell?

Okay, fine. Yes, I am Grant Woodsworth. And yes, none of my friends want to have sex with me. But you know what? Thanksgiving should be about family and friends, not lovers or sexual relations. So this Thanksgiving, let's go against the grain and host a dinner with only those who could “get it” platonically. A gathering of friends. Pals-giving, if you will. Who's with me?