Farewell From An Editor

Dear Readers,

1/3 of the editors in chief here and 1/2 of the founding team. I wanted to take a moment to express how much this paper and you all reading it has meant to me. I seem to be graduating this semester (also known as right now.) so, I thought I’d take the chance to share my gratitude. 

I want so badly to be silly for you all, but I had a bad dream last night and I also really hurt my foot this week. So instead, I’d like to say the sincerest of thank yous to everyone. This paper was a way to satirize our campus, bring silliness and allow for a moment of escape, but it became so much more. 

I hope the Kumquat continues, but more than that I hope that everyone that has ever read it has moments of silly joy for the rest of their lives. Life is hard and things may seem scary, but I know we will all find ourselves in the end. Remember, there is always room to critique power and there is always room to laugh. Thank you everyone for allowing me to laugh even in the poopy moments. 

Wish you the best and go panthers, I guess. Be smart, be funny, and be well. 

Okay...absolutely wrote a sweet sincere little letter!!!! 

As always 

Xoxo,

A now graduated Editor in Chief 

PS: totally down to come back in May to speak at any formal graduation ceremonies w/ my co-founder

PPS: thank you to an extraordinary staff and an extraordinary partner in crime. Omg we did it!!

PPPS: If you’ve read all the way to here take a fucking shot, bitch !!!

November Letter From The Editors

Okay, look, we’re gonna be vulnerable and just come right and say it: we feel left out. So much shit has happened at Chapman recently, and it feels like we haven’t been a part of it. 

Like, last week, when Chapman Republicans posted their manifesto about how The Panther is “fake news” but didn’t acknowledge that we are literally fake news. Fucking rude. Do we not make fun of you enough? Is that it? Okay… harsh note, but we’ll take that into consideration for future issues. You do make a good point at the end though, the school should cut funding to The Panther, so they could give it to us instead! Right now, our yearly stipend is one instagram post from Jerry Price when we leave an issue outside his office. We’d appreciate a few extra dollars, so that our writers can stop having the highest membership dues on campus (orange paper ain’t cheap)

Also, did you guys hear about all this Lisa Sparks shit? Basically, the Dean of the Communications school, and candidate for congress in CA-45, called an alumna a little bitch for complaining about Sarah Huckabee Sanders speaking at a Chapman-sponsored event. How come no one ever call us a little bitch? Mrs. Sparks, we had a half-naked drawing of your husband in the last issue, and that didn’t bother you? Also, to the person who complained: your main problem with Sarah Hucky Sands (new nickname we’re workshopping) is that she doesn’t care about the truth… hello? Neither do we! Throw us a fucking bone here. All we’re trying to say is, we’ve been feeling super lonely and would appreciate it if next time there was a scandal, you referenced us at least once.

Xoxo,

Your silly lil editors in chief 

Halloween Super Scawwy Letter From The Editors

BOO! Did we scare you? Were we too fucking scawwy? This is a scawwy surprise issue, because say it with us... Spooky! Is ! Cancelled! Anyways, midterms suck and so does confronting a crush who :( So, we made the back side of this issue super silly and interactive as hell. Go have fun! Take a load off! Blow your load! Be a horny little horn dog this Halloween! And as always, follow us on Twitter & insta @chapmankumquat

Xoxo,

Your silly lil editors

October Letter From The Editors

Hey bitch! What’s up! How have you been? Awesome, so excited for you! Anyways, we wanted to thank you for following the kumquat on insta and twitter (@chapmankumquat). We really appreciate it... receiving those follows is such a highlight for us...but as of recent the Kumquat has more followers than our personal social media accounts :/ Would you mind doing us just a little favor — figure out who we are and follow us. We can’t come right out and reveal ourselves because that’s just desperate and tacky, but like … please find out who we are. Everytime The Kumquat tweets an okay joke, it still gets 20 times as many likes our best tweets. For the sake of our egos, please discover us.

Xoxo,

Your silly lil editors in chief

August Letter From The Editors

What’s up bitches, yea we’re back and some might even say better than ever, others might even say, “Haha, what is this?”. Well, we are the Mother-flipping Kumquat and we Kum out once a month. Let’s be real, school is tough, you’re just figuring out the quickest route to classes, you hate your friends, you’re not sure if the prozac is working yet— we just want to bring a little levity into your life with some hard hitting journalism. That’s right bitch, everything you read in this is true.  If you’re still confused on what this is, just DM us on twitter or insta, okay?! We’re busy we just had to read 6 syllabi! Follow us to stay informed on what’s kumming.

Xoxo,

Your silly lil editors-in-chief

@chapmankumquat