Undie Run is upon us, and the streets are buzzing.

The Uber Drivers of Orange County sent us this list and offered us 10% off our next ride to publish. We don’t agree with a lot of it, but here’s to selling out!

At the beginning of the Fall 2019 semester, an anonymous senior English minor told the Kumquat, “This is the semester I, Kim, will finally bang.”

Climate change isn’t the only thing making California hot (Sidenote: is having kids still ethical?)

 Sophomore Ian Isaacs is going to...Ethpaña!

On Saturday, Pi Kappa Alpha, also known as “the scary frat,” hosted their Annual Veteran’s Day pool party.

Emma was just trying to have a Happy Halloween, but after she was brutally name dropped in last month’s Kumquat issue, that became impossible.

This past month, as Pralle residents searched for a midterm study space, they were impeded time and time again by a terrifying phenomenon: the twelve-person freshman friend group.

The Fabulous Five have been inseparable since they all met at Club Galaxy. This year, they’ve decided to attend the Friday night pregame, party, afterparty, after after party, and the post-game.

Thirteenth Grader Eric Carts bought one of those pumpkin candy collecting buckets from the Target Dollar Section, but is also totally cool with not using it if that’s not the vibe.

Sophomore Connor Hewitt didn’t ask for much. He just wanted to go to a mid-size school. He also just wanted to make out with a girl and then never see her again.

Living 3.7 miles from campus can be rough, especially when your bae lives in The K.

Freshmen skate crew “The Wheely Wheely Good Skaters” is on the grind for an additional grimey grom to fill in for our boy, Dylan.

The Hashinger Basement Cucumber incident last year sparked a national conversation about fraternity hazing, and Chapman has been forced to tighten their regulations.

Chapman-approved wall adhesive and sticky tack were nowhere to be found in Kramer’s dorm, despite numerous confederate flags hung up on his walls.

This guy absolutely fucks. He has salt and pepper hair and lips that yearn to be kissed. He has this dangerous look in his eyes that scream “I sent people to Iraq.”

Word is out that taking 40 rips from a flavored e-cigarette might just be unhealthy.

After rolling up his sleeves, Alan (as the students can now call him) told the class that he sometimes likes to joke around with his students, but all in good fun.

Put down the protein supplements, get the fuck off those ellipticals — your favorite excuse to eat basically ice cream is back and more accessible than ever.

Rising sophomore Aaron Carney is reportedly “very excited” to be condescending as fuck to his freshman friends this semester.