Chapman has mandated all classes immediately switch to online instruction after the newly installed Abraham Lincoln statue came to life and, according to Dean of Students Jerry Price, “ate, like, a fucking kid and her dog, goddammit.”

On a class trip to see the Boston Dynamics Robots in Keck, Fifth Year Student Oba Oliberg was unfortunately bitten. “I swear he never does anything like this,” claims the Dean of Mad Science, Dr. Salaazar Bloodhorne, with a robot dog on his lap, “he’s usually such a good boy. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? You're a good boy! Yes you are! You are!”.

After watching a Fleabag video essay on YouTube, Audrey Hammond decided to spend this Halloween destroying the patriarchy (and getting shitfaced). “You have no idea how hard it is being this hot all the time,” says Hammond, entirely unaware of how much I pull.

Gay marriage was sooo 2015. Now, gay people are as equal as normal people in every aspect but one: couples costumes for Halloween.

Urged by his mother that he is a little old for trick or treating, Jeffrey Ames, freshman computer engineering major, has decided to attend his first coed Halloween party.

I can’t remember anything. Why is this happening to me?

The Fabulous Five have been inseparable since they all met at Club Galaxy. This year, they’ve decided to attend the Friday night pregame, party, afterparty, after after party, and the post-game.

Thirteenth Grader Eric Carts bought one of those pumpkin candy collecting buckets from the Target Dollar Section, but is also totally cool with not using it if that’s not the vibe.

So you can dress him up all pretty and stuff

First year student Jane Waters was so excited to move to California and enjoy year round warm weather after growing up in the Northeast.