Since its unveiling, the true identity of the K’s benefactor has been widely debated, but what if I told you that the answer has been right in front of you… all… along… 

“I think my priority registration gives me access to a flamethrower.”

Everyone knows the dodge majors have the most sex… because personally I have so much sex

Campus is dead.

The Saintiest Saint, Santa Claus is under fire after a 2022 FBI report revealed that those in marginalized communities have not been receiving presents.

Much like the Cold War’s Hollywood Blacklist, many students found themselves on SafeRide’s naughty list this past semester for abusing the service to get to parties, instead of home.

“I’m going to unload unlike ever before. Just watch.”

All Hail Dean Baniele Buppa !!!!!!!!!

bitches need to be taken down a few notches

explain the rule of thirds one more time pwetty pwease </3

The beneficiary thing is just the beginning

LET’S GET FUCKIN LAID

You better hide yo kids, hide yo wife, because Pete the Panther is outraged over the lack of ethnic names for Panther statues.

It’s Thanksgiving time again. Or, in other words, it’s time for all of my extended family members to ask me if I have a boyfriend.

Chapman has mandated all classes immediately switch to online instruction after the newly installed Abraham Lincoln statue came to life and, according to Dean of Students Jerry Price, “ate, like, a fucking kid and her dog, goddammit.”

On a class trip to see the Boston Dynamics Robots in Keck, Fifth Year Student Oba Oliberg was unfortunately bitten. “I swear he never does anything like this,” claims the Dean of Mad Science, Dr. Salaazar Bloodhorne, with a robot dog on his lap, “he’s usually such a good boy. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? You're a good boy! Yes you are! You are!”.

After watching a Fleabag video essay on YouTube, Audrey Hammond decided to spend this Halloween destroying the patriarchy (and getting shitfaced). “You have no idea how hard it is being this hot all the time,” says Hammond, entirely unaware of how much I pull.

Gay marriage was sooo 2015. Now, gay people are as equal as normal people in every aspect but one: couples costumes for Halloween.

Urged by his mother that he is a little old for trick or treating, Jeffrey Ames, freshman computer engineering major, has decided to attend his first coed Halloween party.